understand the background of Self-rejection

 

 Self-rejection 

Suppose you are good at studies, and you are preparing for one of the toughest exams. And back in your mind you already know that there is a lot of competition but still you started the preparation with great enthusiasm. Now 4 months have passed since you have started your preparation and you feel like quitting it because you can't handle the load and you kept on overthinking about it. Finally, you quit the exam and start finding a decent job where at least you can earn your expenses. This is how self-rejection looks like even though you had the potential to crack that exam but still due to some distraction you completely forget the reason why you have started it at first and you rejected yourself before that exam reject you. This happens with all of us in both major and minor events of life but the question is that how you can stop rejecting yourself and start appreciating yourself. The answer has a lot of complexities but let me put it to you in simple words.  

                                                 

The upper triangle says it all. The lack of confidence leads to self-rejection and this rejection on daily basis leads to depression and anxiety. Everyone somewhere lacks confidence but that doesn't mean that everyone starts rejecting themselves. We always use our confidence in making a big decision in life but some small events in life require our confidence and attention. Like giving a mock test for your exam, here your confidence will arise from preparation. The more you prepare the more confidence you will feel and for this, you need to be attentive to your studies and your performance in the previous mock test. The simplest way to boost your confidence is to gain more and more experience and this requires time so in simple words - with time gradually you build up your confidence, it's not a one-day process.

Self-rejection can be of two types.

Successive self-denial –

  This is means that using your past rejection of yourself you build up a translucent shield around your thinking brain. This means that you get the experience of your rejection and its consequences which will help you to become a better person. And here this shield is translucent because you can still reject yourself but now this rejection will be beneficial for your thinking and feeling brain. 

Depressive self-denial - 

This is the most abundant type that people experience. When we once reject ourselves in any manner this will help us to escape from reality for a short time and will let us feel pleasure instead of guilt for short time. The cycle of rejection keeps ongoing, and if any small thing is not going good enough then you reject your thinking brain and its capability to achieve that small goal and frequent rejection leads to depression, anxiety, and sometimes even severe headache like a migraine. 

Now how to stop this cycle of self-denial?

 You need to understand this thing that self refusal is necessary for leading a healthy life and building a healthy relationship with yourself. Your question should be that how to overcome the ill effects of self-denial. Let us take an example – we all have that one friend who is more than a friend to us. He/she is our brother, sister, stand-up comedian, counselor, teacher, and even Hitler [this joke needs to be taken seriously ]. Now when that friend asks us to give remarks for their work then we never lie,  we always spill out the truth and give them supportive criticism, if the work is appreciating then we appreciate it. Sometimes when he/ she did something wrong then we explain them the right path furthermore forgive them because after all, they are so good human being who is always there for us. In the same way, you need to become your own best friend first then you can overcome any self-denial in just a few days. You need to build a relationship with yourself. The time when you will understand your thinking and feeling brain then depressive self-denial will become successive self-denial. 

and last but the most important advice is that Trust your intuition and let the universe do its thing by not rejecting yourself !!

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